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Updated: Jan 4, 2021

I’m an advocate for having a few activities that bring you joy as an individual, but I am NOT an advocate for jamming the schedule with activities that constantly take you away from your first ministry. Let’s be real: busyness is a marriage killer!

Well in 2017, I finally began to learn to say no to people and activities that were cluttering my schedule. Well, I knew how to say no since age 2, but you know what I mean. I learned how to use the word to protect my mental space, my energy, my emotions and overall my marriage. It was a tough adjustment, but I can say with confidence I mastered it in 2019 out of necessity.

I was in the choir, served on different professional boards, active in my local sorority chapter, helped others with different request… The ultimate “yes” girl. Sounds great, right? My heart was in it, but I soon realized I was too busy.  Even though I made sure to get input from my husband when I agreed to help a organization or signup for activities, I had my own convictions:

“Am I away from the house too much?” “Is this something I really want to do?” “How is this activity helping my marriage?” “Is this purposeful for my own calling?” “Marissa, slow down.”

As I was having these convictions, God was also birthing a ministry within me that would soon become a joint effort between my husband and I. I thought to myself, “How can I focus on this and all these other activities? ” It really wasn’t possible unless I wanted to experience burnt out. I needed boundaries.

See, busyness can hinder you from walking in your marital purpose guys. If I continued to be as active as I was, I may have missed so many opportunities to grow with Joseph, encourage other marriages, and be obedient to the Lord. So I urge you, take the time to assess your activities and values within the first 60 days of marriage and if you are having convictions or your spouse is expressing concern, listen and make the appropriate adjustments.

As always, I’m praying for your forever marriage!


If you are ready to start managing what and who you say yes to to protect your mental space and marriage, check out the new Marriage Boundaries Toolkit --a two part self-paced training for husbands and wives who want to preserve and protect their lifelong marriage.

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About Marissa & Joseph

Joseph and Marissa Msefya have been together for 11 years and married for 7. They are millennial parents, Certified Marriage Coaches, published authors and the Founders of Forever Marriages. They help millennial husbands and wives desiring oneness, build lifelong Christ-centered marriages.

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