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Updated: Oct 14, 2021

Every year, right around this time things start to get busy with shopping, work parties, church holiday events and all the children's festivities, the only difference is now a lot of that has moved to the online world. Before you know it, you and your spouse are feeling distant and are drifting further apart.

Here at Forever Marriages, we want the complete opposite for you: closeness, intimacy, finishing each others sentences - ya know? You have a choice in this matter. Filling up your calendar without making room for your spouse tells them that they are not a priority, creating feelings of resentment or loneliness.

Every second does not need to be spent up under each other (that's unhealthy), but finding ways to create new memories together is what creates contentment in marriage. It helps couples stay married.

Below we list 12 ways for you and your spouse to connect through all the virtual parties, meetups, drive-bys, winter fundraisers, and various needs of family and friends around you.

  1. Go to bed together

As tempting as it is to stay up late to finish that show or that game, this season try your best to be cozy with your spouse. Even if you aren't tired, agree on a time to just be present with each other in the bed. This allows for both of you to wind down together and even open up about what's on your mind. It's definitely an intimacy booster! It may be difficult with kids, but try your best!

2. Prioritize Praying

Prayer sets the tone for life, but when it's not prioritized life can consume us and have us feeling empty and hopeless. Setting and establishing a time to come before God with each other, as well as individually, just to talk about the matters on your heart or give Him thanks, keeps the Spirit of God in your marriage. Prayer softens your heart. He will honor your faithfulness.

3. Eat at least one meal together daily

Meal times are protected times to enjoy together. It's an opportunity to learn and listen to each other. So prioritizing breakfast, lunch or dinner can bring so much joy. It feels good to spend time with the ones you love, right?

4. Honor date night

As tempting as it is to just be lazy, stick to your date night routines during this season because if you back track it will be difficult to get back on track next month. Keep the momentum going and honor the day and time that you both have put aside to spend quality time together.

If you are in need of date night ideas, check out SOS Romance Planning Service guide!

5. Cook together

Couples that cook together, stay together too! Seriously. Working together to create something in a intimate space, like the kitchen, is a beautiful thing. You both will feel so proud to have accomplished something together, and we have found that so many great conversations stem from these moments. It is a beautiful feeling! Make time to choose a household favorite, get the ingredients, your fav beverage, and make it a date night!

6. Use the "101 Conversation Starters for Couples" by Gary Chapman

This handy dandy travel sized book is great for those who don't know what to talk about but desire to have meaningful and deeper conversations with their forever bae. The questions vary from low level to high, fun to serious, faith-based to non, these convo starters will help you get to know each other better. Bring this on a car ride, date, or pull it out while winding down for bed! The trick is to be present. No phones allowed!

7. Leave work early and meet-up

Take some time off and do lunch with each other or if you are home put away the laptop and papers early and "meet-up" in a place that you would normally not meet to just talk. This shows your spouse that even though your work is important, your relationship is even more important.

8. Sleep in and cuddle

Laying up in bed with your favorite person may be difficult to do with kids. If possible, have your kids sleep in too, so that you all can get some extra time together. It may only be 10 or 15 minutes, but it still matters. If physical touch is your spouse's love language, then this is right up your alley!

9. Create a new tradition

Family traditions during the holidays give you something to look forward to. Keep those traditions, but also think of something that you and bae can do together. It may be a dish, or when you exchange gifts, a certain song you play, or an activity. It doesn't have to be big, but make sure its intentional and something you both can do!

10. Choose times to be unplugged

Staying connected to family through social media, video calls, zoom, and watching your favorite shows has a time and place and sometimes it can get out of control. It can all be so draining to the point where there is nothing left to give your spouse! Make a habit to hide your phone, turn it off, and create boundaries. Decide when you will not use it in order to be more present with your spouse and family.

11. Take a shower together

Switch it up from time to time and jump in the shower while he is in there! If she is washing her hair, help her. Give a nice back massage, laugh, just enjoy the moment!

12. Find a fun activity you both enjoy

Contentment and satisfaction increases when couples do things together. What do you have in common? Is it watching the game, making cocktails, working out, planning vacations? Find something that will take your mind away from everyday life, what you still haven't done, and focus on the activity with your bae. Oh yes, and make sure to LAUGH!

These are 12 ways you can connect starting today. Which one are you starting with? What ways are you working to be closer to your spouse this season?

Do all of these ideas sound good but you feel like you and bae just don't have the time? You may need the boundaries toolkit that is helping couples protect what matters most.


We are praying for you and want you to remember we are in this together! For more content, practical tips, and encouragement on your forever marriage journey, be sure to subscribe here.

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About Marissa & Joseph

Joseph and Marissa Msefya have been together for 11 years and married for 7. They are millennial parents, Certified Marriage Coaches, published authors and the Founders of Forever Marriages. They help millennial husbands and wives desiring oneness, build lifelong Christ-centered marriages.

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