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Why Pre-marital Counseling?

Updated: Dec 28, 2020

Below are three main reasons to invest in pre-marital counseling as a engaged couple and some things you can expect. We recommend you to take your time to read this through with your fiance' and answer the questions under each point.

#1 Pre-marital counseling helps to reveal the expectations you have for your spouse-to-be

We all have them. It's natural. It's completely normal in all relationships. In marriage, The key is communicating them well and before you both get to the altar.

As your sessions get deeper, more content is discussed and everyone gets comfortable, more is revealed. Thinking back to our class, we had to write 10 expectations of our spouse and share it with them. Because how can we have expectations in secret right?

This exercise was so revealing. Everything was on the table! It allowed us to see what was realistic and doable and what needed to be adjusted. It allowed us to be analytical and make connections about how we came up with certain expectations (e.g cultural, home, society influences).

Question: So, what are your expectations? Have you discussed them with your fiancé?

#2 Pre-marital counseling provides tools for your marriage to thrive

Depending on the type of counseling you have, books, scriptures and scenarios may be shared (or even required).

there may be a required reading list along with a workbook that will drive the class. The books on that list were selected for a reason so it is imperative that you take the time to read every book.(think of this as the start of your toolkit). These books will be apart of your marriage library for you to reference when needed.

In addition to books, scriptures will most likely be read and discussed throughout the course for you to understand marriage in the biblical context. We highly recommend adding these scriptures to a place that can be referenced easily and bookmark them in your bible or bible app.

Lots of content will be discussed regarding what makes a healthy marriage, meaning you may likely discuss communication, intimacy, expectations, finances and roles. It's important to take notes and participate in all discussions. These topics may be foreign to you, but that's ok, this is designed to introduce and familiarize yourself with different marital topics.

Last, we can't forget about the people. Prayerfully, you will walk away with accountability couples (If a group setting) or a mentor (one on one) that can walk this journey with you.

Now that you have the tools, you can use what you have to build the healthy marriage that glorifies God. Keep replenishing your toolbox!

Question: What tools do you think are important to have? What is currently in your toolbox?

#3 Pre-marital counseling provides a solid foundation to the sanctity of marriage

It is true that there are some things that no matter how much you prepare, you cannot be ready for every aspect of that journey. This is true for marriage, but pre-marital counseling, grounded in the scriptures, will certainly give your marriage a leg up. While pre-marital counseling cannot account for everything you will face as a couple, it will lay a solid foundation for your marriage.

Here are three things that will shape your marriage for success

  • Understanding that your marriage is not about you, your marriage is to bring GOD glory.

Marriage is GOD's idea, and as such, he takes the institution of marriage

very seriously. Marriage is so significant that He chooses to use marriage to

represent His relationship with us. The Old Testament is filled with

countless scriptures where GOD refers to Himself as the faithful and loving

husband of His people Israel (Jeremiah 3:14, Hosea 2:16, Isaiah 54:5 just to

mention a few). And of course, the Gospel is primarily paints the picture of

Christ's relationship to His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:21-32, among

several other passages). Your marriage brings GOD glory when it reflects

the genuine love, grace and patience between Christ and His church. Your

marriage is a tool to proclaim the Gospel.

  • Understand marriage is the ultimate character builder (marriage will conform you to the image of Christ - unconditional love, mercy, grace).

GOD will use your marriage to instill in each of you, husband and wife

separately and collectively, His values and qualities. In other words, marriage is

a tool to transform you into the image of Christ. It is through marriage where we

learn to love unconditionally, to extend mercy and grace lavishly and to be

patient beyond measure. It is through marriage where we learn to serve

sacrificially. When you understand this purpose of marriage, what you and your

spouse will face will make a lot of sense, because the goal is to be pressed into

the image of Jesus.

  • Understand marital roles as GOD designed them.

GOD made you man and woman, husband and wife to compliment each other,

not to be the same. We must break away from societal norms and desire for

sameness and embrace and appreciate our uniqueness. By roles, we do not

mean whose job is it to clean the dishes, do the cooking, perform yard work

and etc. We refer to the spiritual responsibilities assigned to man and woman.

As the husband, you are a priest to your wife and kids, you are the visionary

and servant leader. As a wife, you are the chief home maker, you are his help-

meet and his senior chief advisor. Each of us have to operate in the alignment

to His authority, otherwise, there will be friction and contention. Find out more

about gender roles by watching the videos on manhood on our website

( or download this Presentation from our talk on gender


Question: We understand how difficult it is to do any of the above without the power of God. How are you seeking Christ individually and together as a couple?


If we can be of any help to you as you prepare for your marriage, please do not hestitate to connect with us! DM us on Instagram or just send a email (

Praying for your forever marriage,

Joseph & Marissa

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About Marissa & Joseph

Joseph and Marissa Msefya have been together for 11 years and married for 7. They are millennial parents, Certified Marriage Coaches, published authors and the Founders of Forever Marriages. They help millennial husbands and wives desiring oneness, build lifelong Christ-centered marriages.

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